Thank you so much for your prayers and encouragement. I have needed them more than I can say. The past few days have been filled with lots of tears, sadness and an aching place in my heart and home that Chelsea had filled.
I have never been through such a loss. No one close to me has ever died. I was not prepared for the grief and felt as though it were going to swallow me whole. I know many people may think, “it’s only a dog” but for us it was a member of our immediate family. It was someone we talked to, cared for, loved on and were loved by every day for almost 14 years. I know there are so many greater losses in the world around me, but for a few days I needed to feel what I was feeling. Your love and prayers were part of God’s way of letting me know that it was okay, actually normal, to feel so sad.
Many people have asked how our boys are doing. Andrew is handling it well. He doesn’t want to be sad so he tells us to stop crying because that will make him cry. He doesn’t want to talk about it much, so we try to talk and cry when he is not around. He went to school on Tuesday, but Joshua was so upset that we let him stay home with me. Then JJ decided to stay home from work, too. We all sat in the living room where Chelsea like to stay and reminisced about her.
We took turns being upset and talked about what we miss most. It was good to give ourselves that day to grieve. It’s funny how when someone else is crying, you become strong for them. Then when they seem okay, you feel like you can let your guard down and sob. That is how it’s been here since Monday. We knew we needed to let go but we also knew we didn’t want to let go too quickly. We don’t want to forget how special she was so we celebrated her life and grieved our loss all day.
God is teaching me so much about His constant companionship through memories of Chelsea. He has drawn me so close to His heart for comfort and has reminded me again and again of how much more He wants to be all of those things to me in such a deeper way.
I’m headed back to work today for the first time. I am looking forward to being with my friends there who have carried me through this storm through their love and prayers. Boy do I have an amazing circle of friends who are Jesus with skin on – and you my bloggy friend have become one of them.
Thank you so much!!!!